Hello ... From the Other Side of Never

July 15, 2019


Don't ever say what you won't do, if you've never been tried or tested in that area of your life. That's the thesis of my life at this very moment. I don't know how many times I've prejudged a scenario or situation ... place or time based on the comfort of my present reality. I say comfort because there's nothing like being snatched out of a familiar space to realize you don't always know what you think you know. 

In the past three years, so many things that I considered foundational elements of who I am have either been shaken or have actually crumbled. I've touched on it here and there in other posts. But it took a conversation with a friend last week to bring back to my memory that, at some point, over the last several years I'd pronounced these relationships, fixtures, positions ... all essential to my happiness — and ultimately, my value. The good news: I'm still here; I haven't perished without the things I thought made me who I am. The not-so-good news but also not exactly bad news: It feels like I'm starting over. (Why do we perceive starting over so bad? That's a conversation for another day.)

I say to myself, at least once a day (usually while on my walk) — this is a good time to be me. I'll be crossing another milestone on my birthday in October. I am healthy. My family is well. And I feel God actually maneuvering me. (Think *Bird Box.* LOL ... But, the ending!!) It's literally like hearing a voice outside of myself say that "on paper," my life is ideal. And my life is ideal. You've heard me talk about what I prayed for as a young woman launching out into the world, and this is it. At the same time, if I'm honest, it's also a bit of a scary time in that some things I'm releasing have had to be wrestled out of my hands because I had so intertwined them into my feelings of wellness and certainty that I couldn't (and sometimes still can't) imagine who I'd be without them. And yet ... somehow, I'm also feeling a great sense of hope because I'm on the other side of what I said I'd never do or be, and I have survived. 

I read a quote on IG yesterday that basically gave me a starting point for getting to my bottom line without miscellaneously tethering myself to people, places and things for the purpose of valuation. The writer suggested figuring out ways and activities that cause you (and me) to feel necessary, loved, capable and whatever else is important to you in a variety of ways that you give yourself. And this is very much a full circle moment for me on My Vicarious Life because it is essentially what inspired me to launch my site ... exploring all the things that make me, me. 

My writing here and the relationships I've developed through this platform have given me more fulfillment than I could have ever imagined. So, it seems only natural that this time in my life would bring me back to MVL. 

Yes, it is a good time to be me. 





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6 comments

  1. Received. Excellent reading!

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  2. Thank you for this. Currently trying to piece together what I feel is in shambles but not seeing what I've manifested. It's a good time to be still and be who I am! Great read.

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    Replies
    1. I just read this morning: The coolest thing about God is that even a "no" from him has goodness written all over it. So, we are very likely right where he wants us to be even when things seem to have fallen apart.

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